Mavis Beak-on has taught typing at Crazy Dirk's Turkey Lounge since 1994.

She was assembled for the box. There is no photograph of Mavis Beak-on. There was never a hen at the keyboard. The keystrokes in the demonstration reel are yours — recorded in advance, before you sat down.

Mavis does not tire. Mavis has pressed every key. When you rest your fingers on the home row, they are resting where hers already are.

GULLETNET IS PATIENT. So is your instructor.